Spring has this really odd way of seeming slow-coming and being sneaky at the same time. The almost oppressive dreariness has made winter seem extra long in Berlin - little sunlight, brown trees, brown streets, brown everywhere, lots of rain.....kind of lends itself to a wintery despair. Right when I was about to just throw caution to the wind and ditch my heavy winter coat (which is now missing several buttons) no matter how freezing it is, spring arrived in all its glory. mmmmm sunshine. crocuses and leaves starting to come out. Perfectly blue skies, even in Berlin. Amazing what these gifts do for wintery despair.
So needless to say, I'm glad spring is here. The past month or so has been crazy busy and completely chill at the same time. Some weeks of intense work and lots of visitors, and some weeks of complete unscheduled "freedom."
Some highlights: Spring Break - having Michelle here, along with the rest of the Bradley gang. It was weird to have two worlds kind of colliding - but really neat to show them what life has been like for the past 7 months. It was so good to catch up with Michelle, talk about what we've been learning and still laugh at the same ridiculous things we always have....
Another very important highlight - the meeting of Michelle and Zack. I was so happy it worked out for Zack to come visit during Michelle's last few days here, and naturally it was very important to get the best friend "stamp of approval" :) I was braced for embarrassing stories to be shared, and they were, but I guess I endured the fire....and approval was given, of course!
Which all leads up to quite possibly the most important highlight of all - Mom and Dad do Berlin! They arrived Friday morning and left this morning at 7am. Zack got to come up while they were here and we made some *very important* introductions. We ran them ragged, doing crazy things like 3.5 hour walking tours and walking around palace gardens in the sunshine. They also gave him lovely insight to my disposition as a child - tree climbing tendencies and the like. Well, I guess it had to come out sometime.
Sunday, Dan, Zack and I ran the Berlin Half-Marathon! Dan was super-fast and has been a training hardcore, so naturally we didn't even start with him. Zack and I started waaaaay too far in the back though - we were passing people for most of the race (Not saying that we're really all that fast, but with 21,000 people running we were faster than quite a few). Around 20k, I slipped into the pit of despair because I was tired and my legs just really didn't want to move anymore. Zack was great and didn't leave me - even though I slowed us down quite a bit :-/ Every time we turned a corner I thought we were going to be close to the finish, but it was just another long stretch. I think I've lost all of my mental toughness from my racing days - I used to be able to push through the pain, but now it is just so easy to give in and fall into the pit of despair (especially after 20k). Post-race I felt mostly fine - making me think I could've gone faster and wondering what my problem was during that ridiculous last couple kilos. All in all though, I'm glad we did the race - it was really fun to run with Zack, and I'm hoping we can do more in the future - maybe even a full marathon one of these days! (I know I sound crazy for saying that after slipping into despair in a half!)
Got me thinking about how it is easy to slip into pits of despair just in life - to stop trusting God and in the moment, lose sight of that "finish line." To think I just can't make it - I'm too tired, too weak, I'm going to have to give up and give in to whatever temptation is before me. And it is all totally a lie - once I'm out of the situation or the storm has passed I realize how the whole thing wouldn't have seemed nearly as destitute if I had realized just how big and in control God is. Why do I doubt His wisdom, why do I second guess that He knows what he's doing with my life? Why do I forget that He loves me?
So like I look forward to the next race where I'll be faced with the possibility of slipping into despair once again, and hope to overcome it the next time - I want to be able to trust God in the future pits of despair of life - no matter how shallow or deep they are.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
the Berlin team just got bigger!
After much anticipation (and even a pool betting on the date of her arrival) the newest member of the Berlin team is finally here!!
Our team leaders, Dan and Krista Trepod, welcomed their first child into the world on Thursday, February 26th! Their new little girl, Avery Elizabeth Trepod, is as sweet and precious as they come. It has been such a joy to be in this process with them, and to see how calm they've been through figuring out having a baby in a foreign country. Our entire team has been anxiously awaiting Avery's coming, and now that she's here the fun REALLY begins :)
It is really cool to see how excited Dan and Krista are to be parents. It is such a good reminder of how children really are a blessing from God.
AND I'm really excited that Krista is going to let me design her baby announcements! This is one of my all-time favorite kind of design projects. I've been missing design a little bit lately, so it is going to be very fun to do this project about little Avery!
wow, two blog posts within one week....I am impressed with myself! Maybe I'll be a reformed blogger after all (pun intended!)
Our team leaders, Dan and Krista Trepod, welcomed their first child into the world on Thursday, February 26th! Their new little girl, Avery Elizabeth Trepod, is as sweet and precious as they come. It has been such a joy to be in this process with them, and to see how calm they've been through figuring out having a baby in a foreign country. Our entire team has been anxiously awaiting Avery's coming, and now that she's here the fun REALLY begins :)
It is really cool to see how excited Dan and Krista are to be parents. It is such a good reminder of how children really are a blessing from God.
AND I'm really excited that Krista is going to let me design her baby announcements! This is one of my all-time favorite kind of design projects. I've been missing design a little bit lately, so it is going to be very fun to do this project about little Avery!
wow, two blog posts within one week....I am impressed with myself! Maybe I'll be a reformed blogger after all (pun intended!)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
after a long winter's nap.....
I'm BACK. I've been well-aware of my blog negligence for quite some time now, and it got to the point where I was feeling a little bad about it. It isn't that I have nothing to write about, but more that a slight perfectionist tendency combined with laziness prevents me from writing often. I'm afraid my writing will stink, so I just don't write (0 blog posts also means 0 boring/stupid blog posts), and among the other things swirling around in my mental to-do list, blogging just usually doesn't top the list. But alas, I aspire to be better. Maybe I'll live up to this goal....or maybe it will be another 5 months until I write, who knows....
Instead of try to catch you up on EVERYTHING that has happened in the last 5 months (blogger.com would probably just shut down from the sheer size of that post, not to mention no one would read it..), I think I'll just blab a bit about some recent developments in life.
Since writing last, I've been to Ireland, Spain, Gibraltar, and France and Switzerland (ok maybe only in the Basel airport which is on the border of Switzerland and France). Trips to Italy, Switzerland (for real) and Croatia are in the works. Needless to say, I've never been on an airplane with greater frequency. Traveling is just one of those fun little perks you get when you live in Europe. You can just pop into another country for a few hours....and I actually have a visa now, which makes the suspicious questioning by the German customs workers much less likely.
Contrary to what it might sound like, I'm not living in Europe this year so I can go cool places and up my "countries I've been to" count. What I am here to do, however, is to more deeply understand the mystery and beauty of what Christ did for me when he took my sin upon Himself on the cross, and then defeated sin and death when he rose from the dead. And from this deeper understanding should come an overflow of love and gratitude for God's grace that compels me to share said amazing grace with everyone I come into contact with. Sometimes my sin gets in the way of this happening...but God has been breaking through the walls I put up. This year has been certainly been pushing me in a ton of ways. God's sovereignty and complete self-sufficiency are taking on a whole new meaning as He teaches me about how sometimes I make Him small and people big...when reality is the exact opposite. I'm experiencing His steady presence, and finding more joy in reading His Word and spending time with Him in prayer than ever before. And He's been breaking my heart more than ever for people who are lost and stumbling around in darkness. I say all of this with the full knowledge that it is completely God accomplishing this work in me, not me being any sort of spiritual giant. Sometimes, in fact, He works in and through me in spite of me!
I heard some speaker at some conference (I've been to a few...)say that the people on your team (speaking about a STINT team I think) are God's provision for you and through our relationships we can, Lord willing, display and herald the gospel to one another. I've seen this already this year, in both giving and receiving grace and unconditional love from my amazing teammates.
There's one relationship in particular God has used to clearly communicate his love and unmerited favor towards me.
Get ready, this is going to shock some of you.
There is a particularly special young man, by the name of Zack Boren, who is a lawyer in the JAG Corp stationed in Mannheim, Germany. Because of his connection with the Berlin team from last year and several Northwestern University relationships on our team, Zack and his friend Jeremy spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Berlin this year. Shortly after meeting him at Thanksgiving, he sent me a message on facebook that was of considerable length - making me think, hmmm, wait, is he writing these to everyone on our team? I didn't need to be confused for long, however, because he took the bold approach (men, take note: this is a GOOD THING!) and let me know he was coming back to Berlin soon - with friends - but he wanted to take me to coffee and get to know me better one-on-one. Soon after a delightfully long chat over coffee we found ourselves talking on the phone a few times a week and more visits to Berlin were in the works. The next time he was in Berlin we went for Thai food and what had been brewing now became official - I have a boyfriend. !!!! :)
Let me explain, first of all, that this is kind of an unusual thing to happen during STINT. We've got quite a few "norms" in place that protect us from a lot of pain but also prevent us from dating most people we come in contact with during the year (namely nationals and other people on our team). Somehow Zack is the exception to all of these rules. He's not on my STINT team, and nor is he a national (He is, in fact, from my home state of IL!) So to say I wasn't expecting this coming into STINT would be a drastic understatement - but this surprise was and is one I thank God for.
So, how does Zack communicate the gospel of Christ to me? In a thousand different ways, but I could name a few here...I never feel like I have to work in order for him to care about me, he likes me just for who I am. His mere presence in my life is simply a gift I don't deserve, much less his kindness and affection towards me. His love for the Lord and for deeply understanding the truths of His Word encourages and challenges me. Though I know we are both far from perfect, the Lord is already using him to change me to become more like Christ. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
so any more questions about this mysterious / dashingly handsome young man appearing in photos with me on facebook may be directed here - here is the story :)
Instead of try to catch you up on EVERYTHING that has happened in the last 5 months (blogger.com would probably just shut down from the sheer size of that post, not to mention no one would read it..), I think I'll just blab a bit about some recent developments in life.
Since writing last, I've been to Ireland, Spain, Gibraltar, and France and Switzerland (ok maybe only in the Basel airport which is on the border of Switzerland and France). Trips to Italy, Switzerland (for real) and Croatia are in the works. Needless to say, I've never been on an airplane with greater frequency. Traveling is just one of those fun little perks you get when you live in Europe. You can just pop into another country for a few hours....and I actually have a visa now, which makes the suspicious questioning by the German customs workers much less likely.
Contrary to what it might sound like, I'm not living in Europe this year so I can go cool places and up my "countries I've been to" count. What I am here to do, however, is to more deeply understand the mystery and beauty of what Christ did for me when he took my sin upon Himself on the cross, and then defeated sin and death when he rose from the dead. And from this deeper understanding should come an overflow of love and gratitude for God's grace that compels me to share said amazing grace with everyone I come into contact with. Sometimes my sin gets in the way of this happening...but God has been breaking through the walls I put up. This year has been certainly been pushing me in a ton of ways. God's sovereignty and complete self-sufficiency are taking on a whole new meaning as He teaches me about how sometimes I make Him small and people big...when reality is the exact opposite. I'm experiencing His steady presence, and finding more joy in reading His Word and spending time with Him in prayer than ever before. And He's been breaking my heart more than ever for people who are lost and stumbling around in darkness. I say all of this with the full knowledge that it is completely God accomplishing this work in me, not me being any sort of spiritual giant. Sometimes, in fact, He works in and through me in spite of me!
I heard some speaker at some conference (I've been to a few...)say that the people on your team (speaking about a STINT team I think) are God's provision for you and through our relationships we can, Lord willing, display and herald the gospel to one another. I've seen this already this year, in both giving and receiving grace and unconditional love from my amazing teammates.
There's one relationship in particular God has used to clearly communicate his love and unmerited favor towards me.
Get ready, this is going to shock some of you.
There is a particularly special young man, by the name of Zack Boren, who is a lawyer in the JAG Corp stationed in Mannheim, Germany. Because of his connection with the Berlin team from last year and several Northwestern University relationships on our team, Zack and his friend Jeremy spent the Thanksgiving holiday in Berlin this year. Shortly after meeting him at Thanksgiving, he sent me a message on facebook that was of considerable length - making me think, hmmm, wait, is he writing these to everyone on our team? I didn't need to be confused for long, however, because he took the bold approach (men, take note: this is a GOOD THING!) and let me know he was coming back to Berlin soon - with friends - but he wanted to take me to coffee and get to know me better one-on-one. Soon after a delightfully long chat over coffee we found ourselves talking on the phone a few times a week and more visits to Berlin were in the works. The next time he was in Berlin we went for Thai food and what had been brewing now became official - I have a boyfriend. !!!! :)
Let me explain, first of all, that this is kind of an unusual thing to happen during STINT. We've got quite a few "norms" in place that protect us from a lot of pain but also prevent us from dating most people we come in contact with during the year (namely nationals and other people on our team). Somehow Zack is the exception to all of these rules. He's not on my STINT team, and nor is he a national (He is, in fact, from my home state of IL!) So to say I wasn't expecting this coming into STINT would be a drastic understatement - but this surprise was and is one I thank God for.
So, how does Zack communicate the gospel of Christ to me? In a thousand different ways, but I could name a few here...I never feel like I have to work in order for him to care about me, he likes me just for who I am. His mere presence in my life is simply a gift I don't deserve, much less his kindness and affection towards me. His love for the Lord and for deeply understanding the truths of His Word encourages and challenges me. Though I know we are both far from perfect, the Lord is already using him to change me to become more like Christ. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
so any more questions about this mysterious / dashingly handsome young man appearing in photos with me on facebook may be directed here - here is the story :)
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